From insecurity to love, and how yoga got me there

November 14, 2019

I have a complex history relating to my yoga practice, but before we get there I want to run you over my back story. I’m going to keep this fairly simple as I would rather talk about my present state rather than delve into the past and stay buried there.

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Back in March 2014, when I was 17.5 years old, I experienced my first real heartbreak. This then spurred me on a downward spiral of unhealthy and regimented obsessions – excessive exercise and strict nutrition. I delved deep into these as a method of distraction from the painful thoughts of worthlessness, the insecurities I had about my body and everything else that comes with heartbreak. All of these were magnified by x100 during this time. Looking back, I now understand that I have a number of tendencies relating to Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD). Even though I wouldn’t self diagnose, it does provide that comfortable pigeon hole explanation for a lot of my behaviours. I remember being 13 when these issues really started to surface – I thought I was getting fat and in an attempt to not be seen like that I would walk round holding my tummy in.

It was also during these first few weeks in April of 2014 that I found yoga. Initially through some apps on my phone, but eventually through Instagram. In a nutshell, I would find different photos and videos and attempt to copy the poses shown. It was a fun way to explore loads postures and really challenge my physical body. I eventually built up a large enough bank where I could create my own sequence.

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But, during that summer these unhealthy obsessions grew stronger and stronger as I was due to go to University that September and there was so much pressure I put on myself to ‘perfect’ my external image in order to feel more confident. My immediate family, as well as other family members had noticed the changes in my physical appearance and body shape. Obviously worried about me, they made comments expressing how skinny I had become. But this form of external validation only fuelled me further. It meant I didn’t have to work through my deep rooted insecurities, and it also felt like all my hard work, control and regiment was finally paying off. This all worked to trick me into thinking that I was happy with my body. But this so called happiness was dependent on others comments, and not from a place of deep intrinsic change from within.

The obsessive and self-destructive thoughts from the BDD coupled with the regiment of exercising at least 90 minutes every day and controlling my food down to the gram lead me to develop an eating disorder. I had the tendencies and symptoms of someone with not only Anorexia Nervosa (AN) but also Orthorexia Nervosa (ON). In October 2014 I had managed to loose so much weight that at 18 I weighed the same as when I was 12 (34kgs). For perspective, I’m now 55kgs.

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Throughout these first couple of months, my yoga practice stayed consisted as I would practice for a minimum of 90 minutes every day. However, it was incredibly regimented and I remember pushing myself to my max in every pose, every time I practiced. It was a competition to me. I want to get deeper into king pigeon, I wanted to be able to do the splits, I wanted to be a human pretzel. This mentality stayed with me throughout my eating disorder and eventual recovery. It was almost a way for me to still have control over something; like a safety net.

It wasn’t until February 2018 where my mentality surrounding my practice was really challenged, during my Yoga Teacher Training (YTT) at Kranti Yoga in Goa. It was the first formal training I had ever really done (I did a handful of yoga classes until this point) and it was during this time that I realised, like REALLY realised how yoga offers so much more to the practitioner than just the human pretzel side. I had no idea that it was a mind-body practice. Meditation? Pranayama? Ashtanga? Never even heard of it, all I wanted to achieve was the splits.

During this period, it was as if someone removed the tunnel vision goggles from my face. It was the first time I really understood the power that yoga was able to provide to the practitioner on a physical, mental, emotional AND spiritual level. These realisations had such a profound effect on my practice that all I wanted to was share this incredible experience with others as a yoga teacher (I didn’t have any intention to become a teacher, I wanted to do my YTT in order to improve my personal practice). What changed was that I stopped practicing through force and out of dislike for my physical body and instead changed the narrative. I started practicing with love for my body’s many incredible abilities like having the strength to balance upside down on my hands, using my breath to get where I wanted in a pose and sit in awareness whilst meditating.

Since my YTT, my practice continues to flourish in ways that allows me to constantly find love and acceptance for my physical body and the parts of it that I am insecure about. There is less judgment and more gratitude. As well as this, I’ve learnt to listen to my body’s wants with more intuition. I move organically on the mat, figuring out what I need that day. Sometimes I have a strong and dynamic 60 minute practice, other times I move like a cat for 20 minutes then take a 20 minutes savasana and finish with pranayama. Having this flexibility and softness on my mat has definitely translated into how I view and accept my body. There are obviously days where those intrusive thoughts come flooding back, but my yoga practice has equipped me with powerful tools to help me rise above them.

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If you or you know someone going through something similar, my heart is always open if you want to talk. I am here for you.

Namaste.

 

In-Depth Hand-balance and Inversion Workshops

July 3, 2019

Hey everyone!

For a while now, Sam (@samveept) and I (@yogawitholive) have been meaning to host a hand-balance and inversion workshop and we’ve finalised two dates where we’ll be bringing one to Brighton and one to Worthing! 

So what are hand-balances and inversions? Hand-balances are in essence movements where your entire body weight rests in your hands, so think handstands, crow pose or planche. Inversions are postures where your heart goes above your head, from very basic inversions like downward dog to more complex ones like forearm stand.

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During our two and a half hour workshops, we will be covering the process, strength, mobility and practice behind some of these hand-balances and inversions. Mainly looking at crow pose (and other progressions), forearm stand and handstands. Handstands in particular, as they are a juicy mixture of both a hand-balance and inversion. Plus who doesn’t want to be able to do one?!

We decided to host this workshop together as we have different experiences with these kinds of movements. I will be sharing my knowledge from a Yoga background and Sam will provide his from a Body Weight Movement and Personal Training background. We both have a strong and consistent practice with hand-balances and inversions and therefore hope to influence you by sharing our personal experiences. Ultimately we aim to equip you with the the right tools on this journey towards your hand-balances and inversions to hopefully enjoy the lifelong ride!

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The dates are…

Saturday 20th July 2 – 4:30pm at About Balance, Brighton (SOLD OUT)

Saturday 27th July 2 – 4:30pm at Salt Water Studios, Worthing (SOLD OUT)

If you would like to join the waitlist, email me at oliviaannwalton@hotmail.com

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Namaste.

 

Warrior Yoga

November 25, 2018

Over the past couple of months, I’ve been talking about this incredible network called Warrior Yoga. I’ve posted about them on my Instagram and Facebook, and also made a video on IGTV talking about the movement in more depth. I wanted to write a blog providing more information about what Warrior Yoga is and how I come into their picture.

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Warrior Yoga was founded by Ida Farneman and Cassie Connor. The two girls met during their 200hour YTTC at Kranti Yoga in October 2017 where they shared a mutual dream of making yoga accessible for all. They both have first hand experience with the healing benefits of yoga and how it can promote positive growth. Therefore “Warrior Yoga is born out of the understanding that all people can heal from yoga, but not all people have the means to effectively access the teachings of yoga”.

So what does this mean? The three overarching principles of Warrior Yoga are: Healing, Empowerment and Accessibility. These foundations mean that Warrior Yoga students are provided with access to yoga classes, for free, which are either private or small group based. The reason why they are free is because Warrior Yoga believes all people should have access to this practice and sometimes individuals don’t have the financial means to attend a class at a studio or pay for a gym membership. It might even be the case that there aren’t classes easily available to the individual or they don’t feel comfortable in that environment. Regardless, during these classes, the Warrior Yoga teacher is able to tailor the practice to suit the needs of the student(s), in order to facilitate their journey towards healing and empowerment. Therefore, classes can be a mixture of yogic practices such as ashtanga to yin asanas (postures), pranayama (breathing exercises), meditation or even sharing some knowledge about the wider aspects of yoga.

At present, some Warrior Yoga students are refugees, sexual abuse survivors, survivors of human trafficking, people dealing with chronic pain and other physical limitations, people with brain injuries, and more. These students have all aligned with the notion that the teachings and practice of yoga can nourish our bodies, calm our minds and help to heal us whilst also feeling empowered. The founders believe that “once we have healed and benefited from yoga, it is our responsibility to extend that healing to another” which I couldn’t agree with more. Yoga creates a sense of community, and providing access to those who need it is something I believe in wholeheartedly.

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Building on this, it gives me an amazing sense of gratitude to say that I’m now a part of this network as a Warrior Yoga teacher – operating out of Brighton and surrounding Sussex areas in the UK. I’m incredibly happy to have become a part of the Warrior Yoga family alongside some other wonderful teachers across the globe (in Canada, Sweden and other parts of England so far!). Having experienced the profound healing benefits of yoga on a personal level, I’m extremely passionate about providing others with the same opportunity. I already have one wonderful student, who I’ve been working with for a month now, and I’m so proud of how far she has already come on her Warrior Yoga journey.

It is very important to keep in mind that despite offering a healing and safe space for our Warrior Yoga students, we are just yoga teachers. Despite some of us having backgrounds in psychology, mental health experiences, therapy etc, we hold these classes as yoga teachers. Therefore we cannot provide professional advice about treatments or therapies that a trained professional like a doctor, psychologist or psychiatrist could suggest or even offer. It’s important to make this distinction in order for students to realise that the Warrior Yoga classes are there to be used alongside existing treatments (if there are any), but want to use their yoga practice to facilitate the healing process from more holistic approach.

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If you know anyone who you think would benefit from Warrior Yoga classes (private or group based), or think you would, please get in touch with me via email – oliviaannwalton@hotmail.com – and we can take it from there!

You can find out more about Warrior Yoga on: https://www.warrioryoga.network/

Namaste.

Who I am becoming

September 7, 2018

At the beginning of the year I lacked direction, a sense of purpose and who I was. Having graduated a couple of months before I was still struggling to find my feet and adjust to life after university. Now nine months on, I can’t quite believe the transformation I have gone through.

The pivotal point that started it all was when I went to do my Yoga Teacher Training (YTT) in Goa, back in February. It was the first time I had ever travelled alone to a new country, but it also felt like I was going back home (being half Indian this was my first time going to the motherland). During my time in India, I felt empowered and independent, like I was finally becoming the person who I have always wanted to be. It was such a liberating time and those that I was surrounded with have played a major part in my journey of who I am transforming in to.

After returning from India in mid-March and pursuing a career as a full time yoga teacher at the beginning of May, my life has taken a complete 360. Not only am I more confident in who I am but also in the life I’m leading and the visions that I have for myself.

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Since starting my teaching journey, I have connected with so many incredible people from all walks of life. All my students I have had the pleasure of teaching so far have brought me so much joy with their passion and enthusiasm during our practice. There have been a couple of instances where I’ve almost cried at the end of class when we all chant “Om, Shanti, Shanti, Shanti” because of the amazing energy I feel from everyone and how fortunate I am to be able to share my passion with others. I’m doing something I truly love and it brings me so much happiness to be a part of my student’s yoga journey.

As well as my students, I’ve met so many amazing yoga teachers (there are so many of us in Brighton!) who have such a diverse range of knowledge and experience. The yoga community here is so wonderfully close knit! Everyone seems to know one another, or have heard of another, and it is so thrilling to be apart of this community. I’ve also had the pleasure of meeting individuals from different fitness disciplines – acro yoga, climbing, personal training, parkour, callisthenics – and it has fuelled my desire to get my body moving in as many ways possible.

As much as I adore the asana practice of yoga, I do sometimes feel restricted in terms of how linear and heavily push based the movements are. As a result of this, and with the introduction to some of the above disciplines, I’m focussing on expanding the ways in which I allow my body to move. I’m back into regularly bouldering, where pull movements are the majority, which has helped strengthened my asana practice in ways I couldn’t imagine. As well as this, my yoga practice has helped teach me patience which is incredibly beneficial for when I’m doing a new climb. Both yoga and climbing facilitate mindful movement and a deeper connection to the body, which is wonderful.

My interest in Acro Yoga has also peaked since the amazing Lauren Azor did a 1-on-1 with me. I’ve had the honour of assisting on her Beginners Acro Yoga workshop which was so much fun! With some foundations built, I’ve been practicing acro with a friend who is a PT.  It is new to the both of us and it has been a fun challenging figuring out moves and seeing what are bodies are capable of doing when working together. There is still so much to learn, but the journey ahead is filled with so much excitement!

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I believe is is important to diversify how you move and the kinds of people you surround yourself with in order to become a well rounded individual. It helps to keep perspectives fresh and interesting. Having connected with climbers, vegans, yogis, parkour artists, personal trainers, bloggers and independent business owners, I’ve been able to surround myself with an array of healthy and deep connections.

I’ve experienced such a shift in myself these past couple of months and I’m embracing every single second of it. I am falling madly in love with the woman I am becoming.

Namaste.

Community classes on Hove Lawns

June 16, 2018

For three weeks now I’ve been running community classes on Hove Lawns and have had the pleasure of teaching some wonderful yogis! The first week there was dense sea mist rolling in, the second week was beautiful and hot, and today’s class saw some powerful wind coming from the sea! Its been a weird and wonderful mixture of weather, but I’ve had such an incredible time teaching so many different individuals.

If you wanted to join me over the next couple of weeks, here are some of the details:

Every Saturday, throughout summer, I’m going to be teaching free community classes on Hove Lawns from 10:00-11:00am. They will be Ashtanga Vinyasa Flow classes, where we’ll move through a sequence of postures whilst focussing on the breath.

I have 12 mats kindly supplied to me by Brighton Yoga Foundation and Yoga Matters, but if you have your own mat, bring it along!

After flowing with me, by the sea, you’ll be able to get 10% off drinks at Wolfox. They’re a wonderful cafe just at the top of Brunswick Square, and only a short walk from where the class will be.

If you have any questions about the class, or the classes I teach elsewhere round the city, feel free to get in touch!

I look forward to seeing some of you over the coming weeks!

Namaste.

 

The fourth week at Kranti Yoga

March 12, 2018

My time at Kranti Yoga has sadly come to an end, but it also means that I’m now qualified as a 200RYT in Ashtanga Vinyasa!

I couldn’t be more proud of myself and the inspiring group of people I’ve had the pleasure of getting to know over the past month. It was intense, it was bloody hard work and every one of us had days where we struggled (mentally, emotionally, physically). In spite of this, all of us constantly strived to expand our knowledge and develop our practice. The amount of support we offered to one another was unquestionably generous. It truly was such a pleasure to be around such like-minded individuals and I already miss them. I know in my heart that we will meet again in the future because the bonds that we formed developed with such familiarity and under positive circumstances.

Having arrived back in England this morning, every now and then I catch myself remembering a snippet from the past month. It produces such a warm feeling in my heart, but I am also trying to stay present as much as possible. However it is hard to do so when the past month has had such a profound impact upon my life.

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The last week flew by, to say the least, but it was filled with beautiful memories that I will forever treasure. On Wednesday we had a sunrise practice at a reservoir which was surreal. We did our Mysore practice and started off in relative darkness – the only light coming from the moon which was casting a reflection on the water. As we got further into the primary series, everything started to get brighter until finally the sun started to rise from behind the mountains. It was the most wonderful practice I have ever had, and there was something so magical about how our surroundings transformed. It was almost like as the sun started to rise, our bodies got warmer and the heat inside us built up – nature reflected the internal sensations.

For our final class at Kranti, our teacher led us through a chakra meditation. We were in partners and sat facing one another. As we closed our eyes, we had to visualise that  particular chakra and what it meant to us. When we then opened our eyes and held our partner’s gaze, we expressed the words relating to the chakra with our eyes. The idea was that our partner was a mirror of ourselves, so whatever word we expressed to them, was how we saw ourselves. It was an incredibly emotional and personal experience. As we reached the throat chakra, a wave of emotions hit me like a tonnes of bricks and the tears poured from my eyes. It was beautifully healing experience and I felt such a profound sense of weightlessness once the meditation came to an end.

The fire ceremony – which happened at the start of the course – brought us all together for one last time. This time there was such a profound difference in the closeness I felt towards everyone. We were no longer strangers to one another, but instead individuals grown close as this journey progressed. It was such a wonderful transformation! After finishing the ceremony we got our certificates from Kranti before heading down to the beach for the celebrations. Everyone was in such high spirits and full of this beautifully positive energy! It was such an idyllic way to draw a close on our time together.

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This month has been incredibly empowering and full of love. I didn’t know what to expect as I came to Kranti, but my expectations have certainly been exceeded. I have made such powerful connections with individuals from around the world, delved into the journey of self discovery and rekindled my love for yoga. I will forever hold this experience close to my heart and I cannot help but express my gratitude to everyone who helped make this journey both possible and into what it was. I’m excited to see the way in which my yoga journey transforms as I continue to learn and share my knowledge with others.

Namaste.

The third week at Kranti Yoga

March 4, 2018

Time is moving so quickly at the moment – it’s already the end of week three – and I’m trying not to look towards the end of the course but instead be completely absorbed in the present moment.

It has been such an exciting and hard working week here at Kranti, for all of us. We started doing our own Mysore practice in the morning sessions (guiding ourselves through the primary series, working and moving with our own breath) and it has been such a wonderfully internal experience. I’ve been enjoying Mysore so much and it’s great to see everyone’s progression over the past few weeks. As well as this, I’ve started to become more familiar with the primary series sequences and transitions, that my practice has started to flow with ease. I’m looking forward to really working on the primary series over the foreseeable future and seeing the improvements over time.

This week we have also had two exams – the first on Anatomy and Alignment and the second was our practical exam where we had to teach a 60 minute Ashtanga Vinyasa Flow class to some of our peers and one of the teachers. Both of them went really well and it was amazing to see how much knowledge we have all absorbed over the past couple of weeks! After this afternoon’s practical exam, my confidence has certainly increased. The feedback I received from my group was full of positive energy as well as some constructive points to work on. It has made me incredibly excited to start teaching, and I feel like I’ve finally found my true passion.

Since finishing the Anatomy and Alignment module, we have moved onto Adjustments and it has been such a laugh so far! It’s so interesting learning how to correctly adjust someone in order to help them get deeper into an asana. My knowledge base has certainly improved and I can’t wait to share all my knowledge and experience with others when I head home!

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The reason why we did our practical exam today was because it was Holi – the festival of colour – on Friday and everyone at Kranti had the most beautiful time celebrating this wonderful tradition. Everyone was in such high spirits and really getting immersed in the atmosphere. We were all dancing and singing away whilst getting covered in the vibrant colours! There is still a tonne of coloured powder around the shala, with the majority of us still with pinks and reds on our skin and in our hair!

I keep saying this, whether to others here on the 200hr or on previous blog posts, but I truly feel like we’ve known each other all for years. There is such a sense of familiarity between us all and I have never felt more comfortable dancing, laughing and talking with another group of people before. Maybe we all knew each other from past lives.

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As I look ahead to the last week – without being too time conscious and worried – we only have four full days left with one another. The course has flown by and as soon as we know it, we’re going to be saying goodbye to one another. There will be so many tears!

I think I’m going to struggle when I get back home and settle back into a normal routine. Life over here has become so natural, especially seeing everyone throughout the day whenever suits. I’m going to miss each and every individual so much but I’m also so grateful for all the time I’ve spent with them. It’s going to be hard to readjust but for now I’m going to completely embrace and immerse myself in this upcoming week. I know it will be a good one.

Namaste.